Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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