Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
