We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
