i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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