Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
