my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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