im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize