Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
