1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
