My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just high enough for therapy.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
