I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
