yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
