i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
