I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It all started with a game of naked twister.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
