I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
