Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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