apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
