at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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