I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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