is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
