porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
