Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
