I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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