Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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