Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
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I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
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Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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