I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
