By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
