This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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