She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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