Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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