my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
The air taste purple.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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