Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
