my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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