Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
