the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
