I want to stick my p in your. b.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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