I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
