I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
