Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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