thus making me awesome and them whores
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
