It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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