I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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