I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
