The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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