I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
