we have pet lesbian snakes
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
