I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
