My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
