Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
