The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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