im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
