Cold hands, warm shart.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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