Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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