the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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