I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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