he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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