How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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