He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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