Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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