If i could tip my vagina, i would.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
