Yo dont text me then not text me
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize
