I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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