so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
