my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
