I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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